Again

Here I go again
Just when the meds kick in
I throw away my chances of normal
For the instant high of drama and conflict.
Here I go again
I can feel the happiness slip away
As the confusion fills their faces
Those I love
Those who love me
Those who dismiss me
Never seem to miss me
Yet know all about me

My children want to hold me
But I don’t know how to love them
Without making it all about me
Men are used to fill my loneliness
That empty spot left by a dad who left me too soon
Wandering the earth searching for his own worth
Not realizing the damage he put forth
Ignoring that my life was in critical danger
From living a destructive life of hurt and anger
Now I’ve repeated the cycle of damage with my own
As opportunities of happiness have flown
Out the windows with doors bolted shut
I might have a chance to pry open my heart
and escape this Angry Latina Rut
That I found myself stuck in
Just when I think I’m saved
Here I go again

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